Jerusha: I’m so pleased to introduce you to my good friend, Katie Powner! Katie is giving away a free print copy of her critically-acclaimed debut novel, The Sowing Season, to one of you! So read on and leave a comment below for your chance to win.
By Katie Powner
I’m not sure I knew what fear was until I became a foster parent.
I’d had moments of terror with my own children, yes. What mother hasn’t run panicked into the nursery and held her hand over her sleeping infant’s chest to check for signs of life? Or felt her heart stop beating when she momentarily lost sight of her toddler in a crowded place?
Those are awful experiences.
But entering the foster care world brought a new level of fear into my life.
Suddenly, if this infant were to stop breathing in the middle of the night and my motherly intuition didn’t kick in to tell me about it, not only would the loss be devastating, but I would have to answer to his mother. And the state.
Suddenly, I had no control over the fate of a child I cared about. Suddenly, I was expected to intentionally give my heart to a child I knew would take it with him when he inevitably left me.
And I was afraid.
For the first thirty days of our first placement, I held the newborn preemie, meth-exposed baby we’d been entrusted with at arm’s length.
I faithfully fed him every 2-3 hours around the clock, took him to all his appointments, carefully bathed him, and dressed him in all sorts of adorable little outfits, but I did not love him.
I couldn’t. I was too scared.
Late one night, as I was bottle-feeding him, I started to pray for his biological mother. That she would make the right choices. Get the help she needed. Put her child’s needs above her own.
And somewhere in the midst of the exhaustion and darkness, the Lord caused me to realize how scared she must be. I thought I was afraid? What about this nineteen-year-old girl with no husband, no home, no family support—not even a high school diploma or driver’s license—who’d just had her only child taken from her?
That night, God opened my eyes and my heart to what true fear is: a life without hope.
I had been saved by God’s grace and had hope in abundance…what had I to fear? “…in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?” David wrote in Psalm 56:11.
I was facing a challenge, yes, but the young woman whose son I was holding was experiencing true fear.
In Luke 1, Zechariah says,
Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because he has come to his people and redeemed them. He has raised up a horn of salvation for us […] to enable us to serve him without fear. – Luke 1:68-69a, 74b
That means if my trust is in the Lord, I can do this really hard job of fostering—I can get attached, give up control of my life, love another woman’s child—without fear.
God makes it possible.
What hard thing is God calling you to do? Are you afraid? Please share!
Photos by Atharva Tulsi, Nathan Dumlao, and Canva. Original graphics designed by Jerusha Agen.
Katie Powner is an award-winning author who lives in Montana…where cows still outnumber people.
She is a two-time OCW Cascade Award and ACFW First Impressions Award winner.
Katie loves candy, Jesus, and red shoes (not necessarily in that order) and is a mom to the third power: biological, adoptive, and foster. The Sowing Season is her first book.
Connect with Katie at her website and on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
Katie is giving away one print copy of The Sowing Season to one of you! Simply leave a comment below to enter the giveaway! (Giveaway ends October 12, 2020. Winner must have continental U. S. mailing address.)
THE SOWING SEASON
After he’s forced to sell the family farm he’s labored on his whole life, 63-year-old Gerrit Laninga doesn’t know what to do with himself. He sacrificed everything for the land–his time, his health, his family–with nothing to show for it but bitterness, regret, and two grown children who want nothing to do with him.
Fifteen-year-old Rae Walters has growing doubts and fears about The Plan–the detailed blueprint for high school that will help her follow in her lawyer father’s footsteps. She’s always been committed to The Plan, but now that the pressure to succeed is building, what was supposed to unite her family in purpose, may end up tearing it apart.
When their paths cross just as they each need a friend the most, Gerrit’s and Rae’s lives begin to change in unexpected ways. Can they discover together what really matters in life and learn it’s never too late for a second chance?
Comments 21
Katie,
I am so blessed to know you. Thank you for opening your heart to these vulnerable kids and me. Thank you for sharing.
You are a blessing to me, too, Janyre. And the kids are a blessing in my life as well. I’m so glad God is big enough for all this stuff. Thank you so much for your comment.
Your book sounds amazing and the cover is just beautiful!
Thank you so much, Kimberly, that is so nice!
This is so powerful. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Deborah!
Thanks for sharing your heart in this post! You are such a giving, selfless person, and an inspiration to me to be brave. I’m afraid of this call to write, because I fear failure and not measuring up. But I just have to take it, step by step, with God literally grasping my hand and leading me!
Thank you for your kind words, Carol. And your honest words too! Yes, that is a very scary thing. Scripture tells us God’s power is made perfect in our weakness, so if we DO fail, God can use it to magnify Himself even more.
Such a great post, Katie. I always love reading about your journey as a foster parent. I can’t imagine all the emotions, all the challenges. Thanks for sharing your heart!
There are certainly a lot of ups and downs, but I’m thankful for all the things God has taught me through foster care. I appreciate your comment!
Beautiful post, Katie! I’m so grateful that we’re walking TWO journeys together. <3
Me too, Kerry! You are my heart sister!
Stepping out in faith always involves an element of fear. If we can remember that “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of Wisdom” then it allows us to keep our eyes on our Maker and Sustainer, Christ alone.
Thank you for the encouragement!
Author
Congratulations, Karista! You’re the randomly chosen winner of Katie Powner’s The Sowing Season. I’ll contact you via email with more details. Thanks for joining the conversation!
Thank you for sharing your heart. The hard thing he is calling me to do is caring for my mom.
That is a very hard thing, Lucy. But I know from experience that there are blessings in the hard…may your week be filled with them! Thank you for commenting.
Hi Katie, thanks for sharing your experience. I don’t know much about fostering, but I do admire greatly foster parents. I think It’s a wonderful and selfless thing to do, to love another child without knowing if she or he will be always part of your life or not. Thanks for being so caring and selfless…
I’m constantly battling my fear for one of my siblings who struggles with addiction. It’s very hard for me to see him waste his life in so many ways. Right now is one of these moments because he’s on a relapse and doesn’t want to receive any help. I struggle because I can’t foresee a happy future for him. But I never lose Hope, in spite of how devasted I can feel sometimes. I know God is good, faithful, and that prayer has a power that goes beyond anything. So I pray and love my brother even if he doesn’t let me love him as I wish. I try to let him know of my love one way or another. And I know God has his back, and mine. If you read this, can you pray for him? And for me to be stronger and a better sister. Thanks for sharing about your fears.
Your book sounds awesome, by the way, would love to read it! Congrats on your debut novel!
Paty, I’m so thankful for your comment. It is so hard to watch people we love live in a destructive way. So hard to keep praying and hoping, even when we know God is faithful. But the Lord makes it possible to do those hard things. I prayed for your brother, and for you. He is lucky to have someone in his life who loves him like you do…may God give you the wisdom you need! And thank you for your kind words about my book!
Thank you so much Katie for your kind words! Your prayers for my brother and me mean the world to me! I’ll be praying for you too, for your family and for the launch of your new book! Blessings!!
Author
I’m praying for you and your brother, too, Paty. Thanks for sharing your heart, and your fears, so honestly and openly.
Thank you so much Jerusha! I know you pray for my brother and me too. I pray for you as well. I wish I was sharing different things, but this are my current and constant fears… Blessings your way!