A Discouraging Word: How to Fearlessly Overcome Criticism without a Thick Skin

She stopped writing that day.

I’ve seen it happen more than once. A writer attends a conference, maybe for the first time, and instead of being encouraged by the experience, they come away disheartened. In the worst cases, like the one I’m reflecting on now, they leave with the decision to quit writing altogether.

Such a severe response to criticism, when I’ve seen it, occurs because of harsh criticism from someone the recipient respects. Criticism from anyone is hard enough to handle, but if it comes from a person who is respected in the art, career, or passion you’re pursuing, the criticism can derail you.

When some people encounter criticism, they let it roll right off. Others take it hard but, after time, dust themselves off and keep going. Some absorb the criticism like a wound to their souls, and they quit.

I can see why. After all, if someone important says your effort isn’t good enough to succeed, or that you’re not good enough, what’s the point in continuing to try?

Have you ever tasted criticism? Of course you have. We all have. And you, like me, may have abandoned a goal, an idea, or even a dream because of that criticism.

Criticism is something every one of us will encounter throughout our lives. When criticism smacks us in the face, it does something unexpected—it knocks off the thick skin many of us use to hide our fears.

Criticism leaves those fears exposed, allowing them to grow and take over the decision of how we’re going to respond.

But God doesn’t want us to respond to anything with fear (2 Tim. 1:7). So the next time you encounter criticism, beat the fear with these six questions:

6 QUESTIONS THAT FEARLESSLY ANSWER CRITICISM

1. Is it true?

First, ask yourself if the criticism you received is true. Usually, you’ll need to take some time before you can examine what was said objectively. Ask your friends and family what they honestly think and why. Pray for God’s wisdom to perceive the truth.

Often, a criticism may be partially true. Other times, it may be completely false.

If it’s true, either partially or completely, use it as motivation, not discouragement. Work to improve weaknesses so the criticism is no longer accurate. Or find a way to compensate for an unchangeable truth that may be holding you back.

If the criticism is wholly false, then recognize it as such and don’t let it stop you. The opinion of one person, even if a highly lauded or famous individual, is still just that—an opinion. And opinions are often biased and subjective.

Don’t let one person’s opinion destroy something good.

2. Am I proud?

For most of us, whether we admit it or not, the reason criticism bothers us so much is because of our pride.

I like to be good at things, and I tend to do only those things I am good at to avoid embarrassment. I want to be perceived a certain way. I want to be good at everything I do.

Sound familiar? There a lot of “I’s” in that description of myself. But Christians are called to forget about “I” altogether. We are commanded in Scripture to be humble, like Christ.

True humility is not constantly bashing ourselves, which is actually still pride in disguise as we call attention to how awful we are. Instead, true humility is forgetting about ourselves entirely because we are so focused on serving Christ and other people.

But fear has a symbiotic relationship with our pride. Because of our pride, we fear what others think of us. Because we fear acknowledging how sinful and wretched we really are, we cling to pride.

So when criticism stings, check yourself for pride. Are you bothered because your opinion of yourself has been damaged? Or because you’re afraid of what others think of you?

If you identify pride as the root of the criticism’s sting, you need to confess and repent of your pride to the Lord. Ask Him to replace your focus on yourself with a passion for Him and serving others. Then take steps to rid yourself of pride (studying the Bible, prayer, worship, practicing love, etc.).

3. Is it an idol?

Sometimes, God uses a dead end to tell us we’re headed in the wrong direction. He might even be telling us we’re guilty of sin, of harboring an idol in our hearts.

When criticism hurts so much you fall into despair and a deep sorrow that makes you want to give up, you have to question if your love for that thing is too much.

Do you love that dream or pursuit more than God? Most of us would say, “No,” automatically. But look at your life for the evidence. Are you sacrificing time with God or time in His service for that dream? Are you neglecting your God-given responsibilities, like family and other relationships, for that pursuit?

Are you stressed and anxious because of the beloved goal or activity?

Are you behaving in a non-Christian manner, walking over others or shoving them aside, on your way to reach your dream?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, that pursuit may have become an idol in your life. Idols need to be broken down and shattered. And sometimes, God will destroy them for us.

4. Am I called?

I hope you’re not feeling discouraged, because I’ve saved the best for last. Whether you answered yes or no to the previous three questions, this one could be the biggest “Yes!” that will change your life.

When criticism comes your way, threatening to make you give up, this is the most important question you need to ask. But don’t ask yourself—ask God.

Lord, have You called me to this work?

Take time to discern through prayer and Scripture whether or not God has called you to this pursuit. Talk to mature Christian friends and family members, ask them to prayerfully consider this question and report back to you with their convictions and reasoning behind them.

You may care enough to cry when criticized because that criticism is making you question your God-given calling. He’s given you a desire and passion for this work, so an attack on the goal is like an attack on your soul.

But if God has called you to this work, then only God—NO ONE and NOTHING else in this world—can tell you to quit.

God is the only One Who decides when we’ve fulfilled what He’s called us to do. At times, that fulfillment can look differently than we expect, but wait for God to tell you when you’re done, if and when He chooses.

Don’t let someone else play God in your life.

5. Do I have faith?

Even if you’re sure God has called you to your task, the going isn’t always easy. Criticism can still be hard to take without letting fears pop up in response.

What if this roadblock keeps me from my goal? What if no one ever approves of my work? What if all this work amounts to nothing?

What ifs can make you jump off the tracks or stall right where you stand. But only if you’re forgetting the One Who controls the future.

If God has called you to this work, He has and will continue to equip you with everything you need to complete the task (Heb. 13:20-21, 2 Tim. 3:17).

He will open the doors you need opened, He will grant you favor in the eyes of those He chooses to pave your way. He will move heaven and earth if necessary for you to do the work He has called you to do.

Your job is to trust that He will do exactly as He promises.

6. What can I do?

Never give up.

Whatever your answers to the previous five questions, the ultimate action for you to take will be to never give up in what God is calling you to do.

If pride or idolatry are a problem for you, then that’s where you focus first, battling those sins as you seek God’s will.

If the criticism has no truth to it, fight your fears and don’t let it keep you down or hold you back. If there’s truth in the criticism, then work hard to change and improve.

But never, ever give up.

God is on your side. No one can stand against you.

Has criticism stopped you from doing something? How do you respond to criticism and the fears it reveals? Please share!

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Each day could be her last…but not if he can help it.

Tara Parrish is the only person ever to survive an attack by the Lone Wolf bomber. Scared and emotionally scarred by her near death, she goes into hiding with only one plan–to stay alive for another day. She knows he’s coming after her, and if he finds her, he will finish what he started.

Agent Cal Riggins has had only one goal for the past six months–to save lives by ending the Lone Wolf’s bombing spree. To succeed, he needs the help of Tara Parrish, the one person who can lead them to the bomber.

Cal puts his all into finding Tara, but once he locates her, he realizes if he can find her, the Lone Wolf can, too. He must protect Tara at all costs, and they’ll both need to resist the mutual attraction growing between them to focus on hunting down the bomber, because one wrong move could be fatal.