The Closed Door: How to Conquer Your Fear of God’s “No”

Jerusha: I’m delighted to welcome my friend Amanda Wen back to the FW Blog today! Amanda is a talented professional musician, as well as being a gifted writer. Please join me in giving her a warm FW community welcome!

By Amanda Wen

Our modern American Dream ethos has a relatively simple formula for what it defines as success. If you dream about something, if you want something, then go after it with all you’ve got, and it’ll be yours. Dreams really do come true, and they all lived happily ever after. So the story goes. And modern Christians, I feel, have fallen into this trap.

If God gives us a dream, if He gives us a desire, then it must be His will for us to have that thing we want. So if we work hard enough, do all the right things, and add prayer into the mix, then He will grant us our every desire.

Sometimes—many times—He does. Sometimes His answer is an immediate, miraculous “yes.” Sometimes we still get our “yes,” but it comes many days, weeks, months, or even years after we first begin working toward it or asking for it.

Sometimes, though, His answer is “no.” And for many of us, myself included, that possibility makes us quake in terror.

I’ve heard God’s “no” before. A few years ago, I wanted nothing more than a job in our local symphony orchestra. I practiced for hours every day. I spent countless dollars on private lessons from the section principal. I even got counseling to help overcome my performance anxiety. I was confident—certain, even—that this job was God’s will.

It was God’s will…for someone else. And I was devastated.

But now, with the blessed perspective of hindsight, I can see exactly why that “no” was the best thing for me. An orchestra job requires a tremendous amount of evenings and weekends, and if I’d gotten it, I’d have missed SO much time with my kids. So many of their events. So many good night kisses and evening snuggles. And now that all three of them are in school, I’d hardly ever see them on Symphony weeks. Plus, by not being in Symphony, I get a lot of gigs the Symphony musicians can’t take. Some of these have been incredibly rewarding!

This “no” from God is something I keep in mind now, as I seek traditional publication as a Christian fiction author. I believe God’s given me the ability and the desire to write, and the direction He seems to be steering me is toward traditional publication…but His answer may very well be “no.”

He may say “no” to your dream, too, be it a ministry, a marriage, a child, the healing of a loved one.  His “no” may be devastating. It may be a blow from which it takes years for you to heal.

But I believe God provides some reassurances. Firstly, He promises us His presence. “Fear not, for I am with you,” Isaiah 41:10 says. And in Matthew, some of Jesus’ last words to His disciples are “I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20, ESV).

In fact, many of the Biblical commands to not fear are followed immediately by a reason why: the promise of His presence. Even in the valley of the shadow of death, even in the worst possible “no,” He never leaves us.

And secondly, God promises us that He has a plan. One that is for good, and not for evil. Sometimes He gives us glimpses of this plan, and we can, with the perspective of hindsight, agree with Him that His “no” was for the best.

But sometimes He doesn’t. Sometimes we won’t know this side of Heaven why that thing we prayed so hard for wasn’t part of God’s plan.

But what we do know is that God is in the business of redemption. He can bring beauty from even the most devastating “no.”

We may not see it right away, but I believe that if we cling to Him, if we continue to walk in His ways, then He will give us the peace that passes all understanding. I’ve seen it in my own life, and I’ve seen it in the lives of others. People I call friends who’ve lived through some of the worst imaginable things—the loss of a child, the death of a spouse, the betrayal of a parent—are beginning to see some of the beauty God brings from their ashes.

We may not love God’s “no,” but we can still love, trust, and cling to Him. We can rest in His promises to never leave us, and to weave all our loose ends together into a beautiful tapestry.

Despite our hard work and fervent prayers, our earthly dreams may not come true. God may answer with a “no.”

But to what we truly need—His presence, His plans, His love, His never-ending faithfulness—His answer will always be an unqualified “yes.”

Has God ever said, “No,” to a desire you had? Are you afraid to receive a “No” from Him? Please share!

Photos by Paweł Czerwiński, rawpixel, and Jan Tinneberg on Unsplash. Original graphic design by Jerusha Agen.

Amanda Wen is an award-winning writer of inspirational romance and split-time women’s fiction. She has placed first in multiple contests, including the 2017 Indiana Golden Opportunity Contest, the 2017 Phoenix Rattler Contest, and the 2016 ACFW First Impressions Contest, among others. She was also a 2018 ACFW Genesis Contest finalist.

Amanda is a member of the American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW) and regularly contributes author interviews for their Fiction Finder feature. She also frequently interviews authors for her blog, and is a regular contributor to the God Is Love blog. Her work is represented by Tamela Hancock Murray of the Steve Laube Agency.

In addition to her writing, Amanda is an accomplished professional cellist, frequently performing with symphony orchestras, string quartets, and her church’s worship team. She’s also been spotted onstage with the worship band at ACFW conferences. A lifelong denizen of the flatlands, Amanda currently lives in Kansas with her patient, loving, and hilarious husband and their three adorable Wenlets. She would love to connect with you at her website or on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.