Jerusha: I’m so thrilled to introduce you to a friend of mine, Jeanne Takenaka! Jeanne is such a sweet lady that I’ve rubbed shoulders with at a few writers conferences, and I always feel encouraged after I speak with her. She’s passing on that encouragement to you today in this post I so needed to read. I hope it helps you the way it helped me!
By Jeanne Takenaka
I’m just going to say it. I hate not being in control. I’ve played tug-of-war with God for years over who’s in control of my life. I would yank on that rope, thinking I had control of my plans and dreams, and that God would come alongside and nod agreement to my plans.
I know. Silly me.
And then He tugs back when life circumstances overwhelm me with their bigness.
This past summer was a difficult one for our family. Choices were made that have long-range consequences and required changes and relinquishment of some freedoms.
Hubs and I dealt with the situations. My mom-mode was to figure out what needed to be done to fix the situations, and fix them.
See? Control.
My heart, though . . . it was broken.
As we walked through the days and decisions and disappointments, I wanted to control it all. I wanted to force the right decisions to be made by the parties who had to make them.
But I couldn’t do that.
Fear of not knowing how to handle everything swirling around me, and fear of not knowing the way forward from that place filtered into my thoughts.
I had no way to control the outcomes. No way to make things work out positively for everyone.
That sense of helplessness had my heart racing and my stomach clenching and my thoughts dive-bombing into dark places.
And then I had a car accident. Not serious. No one was hurt. At first, it was one more thing weighing on my shoulders. One more thing that had to be dealt with.
As I took a walk later that day, I talked with a friend, relaying the latest drama in my life. And God used our conversation to speak truth into my heart.
Because I couldn’t control the situations in our family . . .
. . . because uncertainty was the only certainty . . .
I had slipped into a place of self-sufficiency. I had opened the door to fear.
And fear moved in, took up residence, wreaked havoc with my sleep and my health . . .
And I had allowed it to do so.
When I face uncertainty, fear sidles up and whisper its lies into my ear. It tells me things like, “If you don’t get a handle on this, bad things will happen.”
This summer, I discovered how fear is my underlying motivator for my need for control. I want to control circumstances, because then I know how they will turn out. I don’t have to worry about being hurt, or about failure.
But the thing is, when I take control, I leave God out of the equation. Then fear steps in and stirs things up. It uses a driving sense of urgency to do—to keep moving forward—without stopping to pray and invite my Father into the situation.
When I walk in fear then I’m not trusting God . . . with my life. With my family. With my circumstances.
It’s a lonely way to live, because fear also isolates. I begin to tell myself lies that can drive wedges into my relationships, especially with God.
When I seek to control things, I’m not trusting God. When I seek to control, I’m trying to take on God’s role. But the thing is, I’m not nearly big enough, strong enough or wise enough to take on this role. When I play God in my own life, I will fall short. I will fail.
Here’s the hard part. The way to loosen fear’s grip is to be willing to relinquish the control we think we have into God’s hands.
When circumstances feel overwhelming, when they appear far bigger than we are, that’s fear magnifying the unknowns.
The way to counter this is to remember that we are children of a Big, Glorious, Loving Father. Our circumstances may seem dire, but our God is bigger. They may appear scary, but our Father is the God of peace. He loves us perfectly, passionately, completely.
And though He never promises to shield us from the hard seasons in life, He does promise to walk with us through them. And He is the God of light. He reveals fear for what it is: a device the enemy uses to keep our eyes on ourselves and off of God.
When we know God’s character—when we believe He is who He says He is—we can place our trust in Him.
When we place our trust in Him—to guide us through the easy and the hard, through the joys and the sorrows—we realize He’s the best One to have control of our lives.
Even when He allows hard circumstances into our lives, we can trust that He will also bring us through the hard. We don’t have to be in control. We don’t have to be fearful because we are held by the One who loves us best and wants His best for us.
As for our family, we are working through the things that happened this summer. My sleep and my health are improving. We are figuring our way forward as we trust God to bring resources and wisdom to us.
I still don’t like not being in control, but I am doing better with remembering that my God, who loves me most and loves me best, has got me. And He is in control.
Do you like to always be in control? Does uncertainty make you anxious? Please share!
Award winning aspiring novelist, Jeanne Takenaka, writes contemporary inspirational fiction that tackles real life issues with a heart to draw women closer to God and those around them.
She lives near the mountains in Colorado with her amazing husband and two exuberant boy-men. She loves being God’s girl—always learning about His grace, hanging out with friends and enjoying a great cup of coffee.
When she’s not writing you can find her with a camera in her hand, looking for #alittlebitofpretty in her days.
You can connect with Jeanne on her blog, on Facebook and on Twitter.
Comments 27
Thank you, Jeanne, for these words that remind me that fear does not have to control my responses.
Being out of control turns me into a bulldozer, shoving my way through life in hopes of getting through all the obstacles and getting “back to normal.” Letting go of fear releases me into the present situation as a “new normal,” and, of course, I can’t resist talking about how big a role gratitude plays in finding my way to a quiet heart.
Oh, Michele, you’re putting words out there that describe me too. Bulldozing through the out of control to get back to my “normal,” my comfort zone. You’re right, though. When we let go of fear and trust God in the situations, we find a new normal with Him. And, gratitude helps me a ton too. Thanks so much for stopping by!
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I love that image, too, Michele! I’m definitely the same way–trying to rush back to “normal” as soon as possible. I recently heard a pastor point out, though, that we shouldn’t be so quick to get out of our trials. God uses those to shape us to be more like Him. I’m not to the point yet where I want to remain in a trial for that reason, but I can start at least seeking gratitude and letting go in the midst of pain. Thank you for joining the conversation!
Thanks for the encouraging post!
MJ, thanks so much for stopping by!
Jeanne, I’m glad you and Jerusha posted this today, of all days! I’m right in the thick of several unknowns, trying to do what needs to be done today while also trying to trust that God will guide what needs to happen in the future. I’m so grateful for what you have shared here, and also as you’ve worked your way through this hard season. (And I’m also glad that you are in the “figuring our way forward” phase now.) Hugs, friend.
Lois, being in the thick of unknowns can truly test the peace, can’t it? I’m glad God used these words to encourage you. And yes, we all work through our hard seasons a step at a time, don’t we? I’m praying for you, my friend.
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Wow, Lois, I love how God’s timing is so perfect–reminding us of His truth and giving us encouragement when we most need it! Thanks for joining the conversation!
I’ve noticed a correlation between trust and fear. More trust = less fear. When I face those situations that are out of my control (which is more often than I’d like!), I remind myself that nothing takes God by surprise and that His ways are not our ways. The situations we see as problems may actually be blessings in disguise, but it may be a long process until we actually see what those blessings are (if we ever get to see them this side of heaven). The blessing may be the process as we learn to trust God in ALL circumstances and draw nearer to Him. Thanks for your post, Jeanne! What a great reminder to let go and let God handle it!
Jeanna, there’s so much truth in your words. Perspective is so important isn’t it? When we have an accurate perspective, and can trust that God’s handling those situations that are out of our control, it’s easier to not allow fear to gain the upper hand. And you’re so right! God’s offered many blessings in the process of challenging situations.
Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom here!
Jeanne, this is such a beautiful essay. One of your best.
Control’s an interesting question for me, in a week that has become a living nightmare of pain.
I can’t control terminal cancer, but I CAN control my attitude, what I say and how I act. I can hold up hope to others, and in so doing give myself purpose that transcends malignancy.
I can choose to stand up for God’s Love and Mercy in the midst of the hurricane; I can choose to hold a light in the darkness that is enveloping me.
Andrew, you have such a great perspective. Yes, we may not be able to control everything that happens to us, but we can control how we respond to things that happen. I love that, not only do you watch your words and actions, but you also focus your eyes on others, offering hope and encouragement. You don’t just hold up a light, you shine that light brightly for those around to see God at work. Thank you for being a beautiful example of how to navigate the fear/control issue.
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So great to see you here, Andrew. I feel like I got to know you through your insightful comments on the Books & Such blog. Thanks for visiting my Fear Warrior Blog! I was so impacted by this post by Jeanne, as well. I love what you add, that sometimes looking at what we can control for good is also helpful. So sorry you’re having to experience such pain. I pray you can feel the love and mercy of Christ with every breath you take, as He holds your right hand.
Ouch- this pinches….such true words!! Thank you! Isaiah 41:13 has been my verse this year- what a comfort that God is holding me by the hand! Blessings!!
Becky, truth does pinch, doesn’t it? I thought I would “share the love,” or the pinches. 🙂 I’m thankful God loves us enough to give us truth, even when it’s uncomfortable and when it hurts. I’m also thankful He’s patient to teach us just how trustworthy He is. Is 41:13 is a wonderful verse to meditate on for the year! Thanks for sharing it here.
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Such a terrific verse, isn’t it, Becky? I only “discovered” it recently myself. I plan to memorize it for encouragement in my battle against fear (and for any kind of trial). Thanks for joining the conversation!
This is something to remember >> “Even when He allows hard circumstances into our lives, we can trust that He will also bring us through the hard. ” So grateful we never go through anything alone. Thank you ladies. May God bless you and your familes!
Hi Joanne. I couldn’t agree with you more! I’m so grateful our Father always brings us through the hard, rather than leaving us there! Thank you so much for stopping by!
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Oh, yes, Joanne–I’m clinging to that truth in a hard time right now myself. I’m grateful for this reminder from Jeanne. Thanks for joining the conversation, Joanne! May God bless you, as well!
Great writing J! When we relinquish control and lean into trusting, the pressure sure releases doesn’t it? Letting go and letting God is a constant act of surrendering. I can still hold on to my own rope with hands chapped and burning! Thankfully, we have a merciful God who calls to us continually to casts our cares onto Him…
Lynn, sometimes we have to let go of control before we can trust God. It’s so hard at times! And, it is an act of surrender. I’m so thankful God is gentle with our vulnerabilities when we do surrender. And thank goodness His shoulders are big enough to carry all our cares. Thanks so much for stopping by!
Fear is sneaky. It looks for any opening, then slithers into your life. Before you know it, fear is on control. Even in the midst of drama, God is with us. We have no need for fear! Thank you for the uplifting story, Jeanne.
Laurie, you are so right! Fear looks for those places in our thoughts, in our hearts, where it can slither in and control us. I’m so thankful God is with us. Thank you for stopping by here!
The truth of everything you have written here resonates in my soul! I am such a control freak and a fixer. I can’t see a problem and not immediately start thinking of ways to fix it. And, that is such a problem when it comes to waiting and listening and hearing God, especially in the midst of junk and trials. I’m learning to lean in. I’m learning to wait. I’m learning to listen. But, it has been such a process. Thank you for sharing!
Kristen, my go-to mode is control and fix too. It takes more faith, but gives more freedom when we trust God and wait and listen, doesn’t it? Honestly, I think this will be a life-long discipline for me to keep learning and growing in. 🙂 May we both continue to lean more and more into God in this area of life.
Thanks for stoping by!
Your words on control could be my words on control. I know you and I have compared thoughts on control and we both love to be in control. God always has other plans and even though we can’t see it at the time, His plans are always better.
Mary, we are kindred spirits, aren’t we? That love of control . . . we have to be able to look beyond that impulse and lean into God’s love and His plans, even when we don’t understand. You’re right. His plans are always better!
Thanks for sharing your words here.