Jerusha: I’m so happy to welcome back Emily Conrad, my friend and fellow Christian fiction writer, to the FW Blog! In honor of the paperback release of Emily’s debut novel, Justice, I’m giving away a signed print copy to one of you. Simply leave a comment below for your chance to win!
By Emily Conrad
My heartbeats make my breath shallow.
I feel like I have coffee jitters, but I haven’t had caffeine in over ten hours.
I’m just nervous.
I’m at a writing conference, trying to make a good impression on an industry professional.
The literary agent asks me to write down my name and number so we can set up a meeting later. I grip the pen, scraping out my name like a kindergartner learning to write.
The meeting goes well. She asks to see my work, leaving me to feel seen, validated, significant.
Later, I hear from writer friends that agent also asked to see their work. I’m happy for them, but…
Fear—the same fear that made me nervous in the first place—creeps in, saying there’s no reason to pick me out of a crowd, that I’m working in vain, that I’m not that special after all.
My daily life seems to confirm this. I pepper writing tasks between chores and errands and time with family and friends. I go to bed and wake up to do it all again.
Whatever your aspirations, I bet your life doesn’t look that different than mine. Our days are filled with the ordinary while we long to be used in an incredible way. We feel insignificant sometimes, like when we’re confronted with an area of life where we don’t see our desired results.
For a writer, one such area is writing submissions. Many of our email queries never receive a response.
A little voice asks, “Does anyone even read these?”
Recently, God answered that question for me in a shocking way that might help all of us.
In 2006, I was writing YA and looking for a literary agent. I sent emails to query a bunch of them, asking if they’d represent my work to publishers. One responded. Though we didn’t end up working together, he asked if he could post my query on his site with his commentary on why it worked. The goal was to help other writers craft their own letters.
I agreed, excited, but eventually I mostly forgot about it.
Twelve years, a few manuscripts, many rejections, and a handful of acceptances later, I rediscovered the post with my email. I tweeted and shared the page. The (now former) agent replied with a surprising statistic. That post has been viewed 32,000 times.
The novel featured in the letter never did capture the fancy of an agent, much less a publisher. I’d long since written it off as another small (read: insignificant) step along my journey.
I never bothered to consider what that query might have been up to all these years.
And yet, that email, which I wrote for the eyes of just one person, has become my most widely-read piece of writing.
Ecclesiastes 11:6 resonates with me because of situations like this:
Sow your seed in the morning,
and do not stop working until the evening;
for you do not know which activity will succeed –
whether this one or that one, or whether both will prosper equally.
Sowing seeds is not glamorous work. It’s dirty, tedious, and, I imagine, leads to back pain. It’s the everyday effort completed in hope of a far-off harvest. Maybe. If rain and sun and wind come in the correct amounts.
Sowing seeds is like the work we do each day.
We might be okay plodding along, but then we’ll face a setback, a friend’s success, or another birthday, and the event will cause us to ask the harder questions.
How do I know I’m using my life the way I ought? What is the meaning and hope in the everyday? Why doesn’t my life feel more extraordinary?
Am I significant?
Fear rushes answers to the negative, prompting us to work harder in a quest for significance or to give up and try something more likely to validate us.
When we get a great opportunity, fear winds us so tightly, we can hardly write our names. If we fail in the smallest ways, then it seems we’re proving our fears right. If we succeed, fear rips into that with insecurity, too.
Jesus offers a different answer.
Are we significant? Not on our own, but with Him, absolutely yes! How could we ever consider ourselves insignificant when He died for us?
Psalm 139 says says we’re wonderfully made and Psalm 138 says God will fulfill His purpose for us.
He couldn’t do that if we didn’t have a purpose. And it’s not just any purpose. It’s His purpose. A God-given purpose that He will fulfill for us. Everything’s not riding on our efforts!
Isaiah 55:9 tells us His ways are higher than ours, and Deuteronomy 29:29 mentions secret things we don’t know. God is so much bigger than us that there’s always more to the story—even the story of what He’s doing in and with our lives—than we can comprehend.
None of us know how anything will work out. We don’t really even know how things that have happened in our own pasts are playing out.
Maybe you don’t have something like that query letter to point to, but that’s the point of that story—I didn’t know until after twelve years that I had a story like that, either!
You do not know how God is using you in the lives of others as you follow Him or what domino effect He’s setting up or setting off from the chain of an everyday life lived in faithfulness.
Something that seems insignificant and largely unseen may be the thing God uses to reach far and wide.
So instead of focusing on achieving our own significance through our own projects, let’s focus on Him.
When we seek God with all our heart, we’ll find the kind of significance that’ll pale every other success and enliven even our most mundane moments with purpose. His purpose.
Do you fear your work or life doesn’t count? Has God helped you find significance in Him? Please share!
Emily Conrad lives in Wisconsin with her husband and two rescue dogs. She loves Jesus and enjoys road trips to the mountains, crafting stories, and drinking coffee. (It’s no coincidence her debut novel is set mostly in a coffee shop!)
She offers free short stories on her website and loves to connect with readers on social media.
Visit Emily at her website or on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
To celebrate the release of the print edition of Justice, I’m giving away a free signed copy! To enter the giveaway, leave a comment below! (Winner to be randomly selected Oct. 15, 2018; winner must have continental U. S. mailing address.)
Jake thought he was meant to marry Brooklyn, but now she’s pregnant, and he had nothing to do with it.
Brooklyn can’t bring herself to name the father as she wrestles with questions about what her pregnancy means and how it will affect her relationship with Jake.
If Harold Keen, the man who owns the bookstore across from Jake’s coffee shop, has anything to do with it, the baby will ruin them both.
Can Jake and Brooklyn overcome the obstacles thrown in their path, and finally find the truth in God’s love and in each other?
Comments 30
Thankyou for the encouraging post. It shows that we should be thoughtful whenever we write anything, especially notes to friends and family, even book reviews! And especially Facebook posts! You never know who will eventually read them!
The book looks great! Thanks for the chance to win it!
Hi Paula, I’m so glad the post was encouraging! You’re right that the experience with the query letter does suggest we need to be careful with what we write. Words have such power for good when we use them His way! May we be careful to do so. Thanks for entering the drawing!
Thanks for the encouraging post, Emily! I think the fear of insignificance or meaninglessness is common to us all, but as you pointed out, that’s one aspect of the gospel that’s so marvelous. We have meaning because God loved us and died for us!
“So instead of focusing on achieving our own significance through our own projects, let’s focus on Him.” Yes!!
Hi MJ, I agree that it’s a common struggle, especially when we get wrapped up in our own goals and purposes. But thank God, He has a truly meaningful purpose for each of us! So glad you stopped by today!
Thank you for such an encouraging post! The Lord can certainly do much more than we could ever imagine for ourselves…this is a truth that has amazed me over and over throughout the years. Thank you also for the opportunity to win your book. It looks very interesting.
I can’t wait to see what God does! I think that query letter will be small beans when we look back from heaven and see all He’s accomplished. Thanks so much for joining the conversation!
As I read through this, I thought about how much mental and emotional energy we spend wondering what God did with…this or that…when, as you said. we need to be focused on HIM. If He’s doing something with our efforts, wonderful. Either way He’ll reveal in proper time. Until then, I need to flit my gaze right back on Him and wait with restful heart. Thanks, Emily!
Well said, Mary! Thanks so much for stopping by!
Great post, Emily, and so true. What a joy when God lets us get a peek at what He’s doing “behind the scenes.” Don’t enter me in the contest as I’ve already read your excellent book. Thanks.
Thank you so much for reading the post–and Justice! So glad you enjoyed them!
Just so wonderful to hear your words again, even if not in person. Your story about the query reminds me about spiritual fruit, how some are quick to grow like bananas or how some take a long, long time like avocados!
What an interesting comparison, Christine! Your comment sent me off on an interesting Internet tangent that may result in me trying to grow an avocado tree from seed 🙂 But more to your point, fruit from different aspects of our lives and spiritual walks can certainly take different time frames to mature. Thankfully, God is the master gardener!
Beautifully said, Emily. I feel so blessed to have you in my life reminding me what’s important and grounding me in Biblical truth. Love you too, Jerusha! Great post!
I’m blessed to have you in my life, too, Robyn! You’ve been such an encouragement to me! Thanks for reading and saying hi!
What wonderful words of encouragement. Thank you so much!
So glad the post resonated with you, Deborah! Thanks for reading!
“A God-given purpose that He will fulfill for us. Everything’s not riding on our efforts!” I love this! Too many times, I try to make things happen and they don’t. Then I’m reminded that His timing is perfect. Years ago, my mom had a magnet on her refrigerator that I’m reminded of quite frequently. It says, “We plan. God laughs!”
Yes, I’m guilty of trying to make things happen. What a relief to know we can trust it all to God! My mom has a magnet on her fridge about casting our cares on Him, and I think that coincides with this topic, too. I love the legacy of faith such simple things can foster! 🙂 So glad you stopped by, Jeann!
Since an agent informed me my social media reach isn’t nearly large enough, I’ve felt de-railed. But I’m hanging on to Isaiah 26:12. “Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished, you have done for us.”
Aw, Heidi, I’m sorry to hear that. I know how tough that can be. If it’s any encouragement, it seems to me that one agent’s “no” is another agent’s “no problem.” Keep writing and building as Jesus directs! That is a wonderful verse. I also love Isaiah 49 for encouragement when I feel too small–I am, but God is big and His plans won’t fail. He will use you!
I struggle with insignificance daily and the mundane daily grind of day to day life. My children just grew up and left home and my husband is at work more often than not, my extended family is separated and there have been some changes with my job; essentially everything in this world that gave me a sense of purpose is different.
I know that I have a purpose greater than this world… I know God has a plan for my life and he loves me insurmountably. I believe it with my whole heart.
But still, the conscious effort to find joy in each day is extremely difficult.
In a moment of stillness, I typed in “mudane insignificance” in a google search while sitting here at work and found this beautiful blog… And the words in your blog, aren’t something I’ve never thought about or something big and new to me but still they struck a deep chord in my heart. The peace and joy and comfort and encouragement that I feel after reading this really helped in this moment.
Thank you for the wisdom and for pointing me back to God.
Carolyn, I’m so glad that search led you here and that the post offered encouragement. Change throws me off — and often into a funk — so I can only imagine what you must be going through right now with so much of it coming from so many angles. I am praying for more moments of peace, joy, and comfort for you, and that God would take your hand and lead you through this. He has such good plans for you!
Author
Oh, Carolyn–I am so, so thankful that God brought you to Emily’s post here on the Fear Warrior Blog right when you needed it most! What a marvelous and merciful God we serve, Who orchestrates such things to bring us His grace and love at just the perfect time. I pray that He continues to remind you of the significance of your life, lived for and through Him. He is using you for wonderful things, even if you can’t see how at the moment. You have a glorious purpose in Him! Thanks for sharing your heart with us.
“Fear rushes answers to the negative, prompting us to work harder in a quest for significance or to give up and try something more likely to validate us.“
Really tugged on my heart strings. Thank you.
Thanks for dropping by, Amber! Glad the post hit home. So grateful Jesus offers a different answer than fear does!
Author
Congratulations, Amber! You’re the randomly chosen winner of a signed print copy of Emily Conrad’s JUSTICE! I’ll contact you via email with more details.
Thanks for the encouraging post and the giveaway. The book sounds great.
I appreciate you stopping by! Thanks for reading!
Feeling insignificant is something I have really been struggling with lately. I can relate to Carolyn (who commented above) – my kids are almost out of the house, my husband often seems detached because of work and hobbies, I work in the background at my office (staff accountant and the partners get all the credit), and my writing – well, who knows where that’s going. I pray my books have an impact on at least a few readers! I often feel like a “nobody” and have a long way to go to reach success by the world’s standards. But your post reminded me that even if I’m not a bestselling author, perhaps one or two readers have been led to explore Christianity after reading my books. I have no idea, and I’ll probably never know. I’m just following God’s direction, writing the stories, marketing them to the best of my abilities, and He’ll take care of the hearts of the readers. Thank you for addressing this, and for being so honest.
Thanks for commenting, Anne! As we follow God with what we do know and can do, as you described, we can trust Him to take care of the rest. I know He’s using your stories–and your roles as accountant, wife, and mother! You are precious in His sight!