Let Them Fly: How a Parent Can Fearlessly Let Go

Jerusha: I’m so pleased to have Christian romance writer Sandra Ardoin as my guest today! Sandra and I are in a fun little group of story brainstormers, and with her thoughts today, she’s given me much to think about, as usual. She’s also offering a free digital copy of her novel, A Reluctant Melody, to one of you! So join me in giving Sandra a big FW community welcome and leave a comment for a chance to win!

By Sandra Ardoin

My adult child never says hello when she calls. She simply launches into the moment’s crisis or exciting news.

So on that Sunday afternoon when I picked up the phone, I heard a familiar but shaky voice say something along the lines of, “I’ve got to tell you what just happened.”

Knowing she was driving back to her apartment from a beach trip, my nerves used my chest for a pincushion. She told of having to swerve into the interstate’s median to avoid the sudden stop of the driver in front of her and the driver behind who might have caused an accident.

Tragedy of some type happening to my child. It’s the source of the anxiety which raises its ugly head every time she goes somewhere or does something that involves a little risk. It’s a parent’s worst “What if?”.

I’d been praying for safety for her trip and we both acknowledged God’s watchful care. By the end of the call, we felt a little less shaken. Still, that what if lingered as it often did during her growing up years. But honestly…

• Waiting for them late at night as they return from a party or get-together
• Sending them off on a school or youth outing
• Seeing them try something “fun” that could land them in the ER
• These days, even sending them to school….

The things they do, whether sensible or foolish, can result in that phone call every parent dreads.

When she was in college, we patted ourselves on the back for not being helicopter parents, but I’ll admit, over the years, we’ve often mimicked a prescription drug commercial. We’ve given detailed instructions on what to do and what not to do and warned of the various things that could go wrong. It’s been one of our major parenting flaws, and I’m sure it’s added unnecessary stress to her life.

Not only does that what if scenario scare us as parents and put additional fear on the child, it threatens to break the first commandment:

You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. – Exodus 20:3-4

While we may not bow down to our children, our constant anxiety over losing them raises their safety above our trust in God, our ultimate caring Parent. When that happens, they become idols. It’s odd to think of our children that way, but anything that takes that number one spot from God qualifies as an idol.

I still recall a sermon from years ago when the pastor urged us to let go of those things we value most and place them in God’s hands.

Nothing belongs to us.

Yes, we can and should be reasonable and practical when it comes to the safety of what is entrusted to our care, but we have no ultimate power over the fate of anything or anyone, whether they be possessions or people.

At the time I heard the sermon, I was single. My most important possession was my horse (seriously, he was my “baby” at the time), so I took it to heart and turned his health and safety over to God. Funny thing. When it came his time to go, of course it was a shock and it hurt, but there was also peace, because I had relinquished his future to the Lord. I need to do the same with my child.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. – John 14:27

As parents, we need the peace the Holy Spirit brings through our faith that God is in control of every aspect of our lives and our childrens’ lives, or we’ll go crazy over the what ifs. No matter how old, they are still our children—our babies. We love them and want the best for their welfare and safety, as does our Heavenly Father.

It’s hard to let go and let them fly, experience life, and hopefully, land in the same condition as when they took off. It’s hard to refrain from wanting to scoop them up and carry them through life, or worse, control everything they do or want to do. But it’s oh-so necessary to shut down that response, not only for them, but for us.

Yes, tragedy happens, even to our precious children. After all, we live in a world filled with evil and heartache. However, we can’t claim that God cares for us and is in control of all that takes place while we spend our lives in excess worry over what could happen. We can’t put our children on a pedestal and claim we worship only one god.

I’ll continue to pray and do my best to not sound like the legal disclaimers found in prescription drug commercials. How about you?

Do you worry about your children? Have you had to let adult children go? How do you battle your parenting fears? Please share!

Sandra Ardoin engages readers with page-turning stories of love and faith. She’s the author of the heartwarming novella, The Yuletide Angel and the award-winning novel, A Reluctant Melody.

Rarely out of reach of a book, she’s also an armchair sports enthusiast, country music listener, and seldom says no to eating out.

Visit her at www.sandraardoin.com. Subscribe to receive updates and specials. Connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads, Pinterest, and BookBub.

Sandra is giving away one free e-book copy of A Reluctant Melody! Simply leave a comment below to enter the giveaway! (Winner will be randomly chosen on May 14, 2018; winner must have continental U. S. mailing address.)

A Reluctant Melody – Winner of the Grace Award

Kit Barnes’ drinking ruined more lives than his own. Now sober, he wants to make amends by opening a mission for drunkards. The most suitable location belongs to Joanna Cranston Stewart, a love from his sordid past and the one person he hurt the most.

A pariah among her peers, Joanna is all too eager to sell her property and flee the rumors that she sent her late husband to an early grave. But she will let the gossips talk and the walls of her rundown property crumble around her before she’ll allow Kit back into her life.

When a blackmailer threatens to reveal her long-held secret, she must choose between trusting Kit or seeing her best friend trapped in an abusive marriage.

Will Joanna risk another betrayal? Or will she find a way through the pain of the past to love and trust again?