Fear’s Captive: How to Break Free from a Lifetime of Fear

Jerusha: I’m delighted to introduce you to my new friend, Deanna Rupp! I’ve been encouraged by Deanna’s Instagram posts on her fight against fear and am so pleased she agreed to share some of that story with us here. Please join me in giving Deanna a big, FW community welcome!

By Deanna Rupp

“Why do you always wear dresses and those ugly shoes?”

The cold, block wall outside my second-grade classroom held me captive as my classmate ripped into me about my clothing. I stood quietly as she and other classmates walked into the room, waiting until the last possible minute to step inside.

I was humiliated. Embarrassed. Afraid.

Girls can be cruel beings.

My eight-year-old-self allowed the words to sink deeply into my mind and heart. Already insecure, I became more so when her unkind words hit me that morning. I became a people-pleaser, fearful of what others thought.

Fear crept in my thoughts in the dark of the night. What-if upon what-if scenarios played like a movie. Trolls under my bed to tornadoes killing us, swirled through my mind.

I called out for my mom almost every night, and she would calm me down with prayer. As I grew, so did the memorization of Bible verses pertaining to fear.

The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? – Psalm 118:6

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?
– Psalm 27:1

He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. – Deuteronomy 31:8b

Yet, fear had a grip on me. Fear became my middle name.

Motherhood entered the picture and, with it, more scenarios for my mind to cook up. I kept a watchful eye out for the kidnappers lurking around every corner. When our children began driving, they were dead in a ditch if they weren’t home on time.

You name it, I feared it.

Even now, I still struggle. I’ve allowed fear to rule my life for so long, it has become comfortable. When certain situations arise or words sting, I become the shy, fearful girl hiding behind her mother, standing in a bucket of lies from the past instead of standing on God’s truth.

It is hard to be brave while living with fear. It becomes my cloak. Fear holds me captive, preventing me from stepping out even when God’s gentle whisper nudges me to something new. Something exciting. Something . . . scary.

I often wonder, what moments with God have I missed by being afraid?

In January of this year, I prayed for a “word for the year.” I don’t do this every year, but it felt like the right time. Well, it didn’t take long for God to bring the word to my mind. Courage. And, like any good and faithful child of God, I asked Him again because I was sure I hadn’t heard Him correctly. He brought it to my mind again. Courage.

When I feel fear creep in and my first instinct is to say no because of the scary unknown, the word, courage, pops into my mind. Well played, God, well played.

Something in me has changed since the beginning of this year. I am more willing to face the unknown with less fear.

Am I free of all fear? No, but I seem to be on the right path to that freedom.

The path seems overwhelming, and yes, I’m going to say it … scary. And just when I want to turn around and run back to what seems comfortable, God plants the word, courage, in my mind again and reminds me of the verses memorized years ago.

Are you, too, standing in a bucket of lies? It is a hard place to stand. I won’t spout off a step-by-step guide on how to conquer fear. Instead, I offer you my hand to grab on tight as we climb out together.

God gives us the tools in His Word to knock fear to the curb. We are all a work-in-progress, but God is there right beside us.

We are His beloved and there is no fear in His love. Lean on Him, cling to Him and let’s show Fear our God is bigger.

…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. – 2 Timothy 1:7

Do you have a lifetime pattern of fear? How is God helping you to break the pattern of fear and embrace courage instead? Please share!

Photos by Majkl Velner, Christopher Windus, and Tom Gainor on Unsplash. Original graphics designed by Jerusha Agen.

Deanna Rupp is a Christian, wife, mom of three adult children, and keeper of one “highly intelligent” dog.

When not playing with words, you can find Deanna spending time with family, chatting with friends over coffee, reading, or capturing God’s creation with a camera in hand. She is an executive assistant by day and a dreamer by night. You can connect with Deanna at her website and on Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest.