Fear Warrior Friends: A Chat with Kimberly Duffy on Beating Stress, the Beauty in Trust, and Fighting Fear

Jerusha: Today, I’m excited to sit down for a heart-to-heart chat with my friend, novelist Kimberly Duffy! Kimberly is also giving away a signed print copy of her debut historical romance, A Mosaic of Wings, to one of you. So read on and leave a comment below for a chance to win!

Thanks for taking the time to share with me and FW Blog readers, Kimberly! You know we’re all about fighting fear in this community, so I’m wondering, do you deal with the topic of fear in your debut novel, A Mosaic of Wings?

In A Mosaic of Wings, Nora deals with a couple different fears—the fear of always being overlooked, which was a valid fear for a woman working in a man’s field in the 19^th century, as well as the fear of never atoning for her greatest regret.

There’s beauty in trusting God, even when things look bleak.

Well said! It sounds like Nora deals with fears many of us can relate to. Do you have a secret or surprising fear you’re willing to share with us?

Driving scares me, which is surprising because I’m always in the car. My stepsister was in a horrific car wreck a number of years ago which left her with a traumatic brain injury and unable to care for herself. I know how dangerous being in a car can be—especially today when so many people drive while texting and looking at their phones.

Wow, I’m so sorry about your stepsister. I can see how that would make you take driving and the risks involved much more seriously. Beyond driving, do you have a recurring struggle with fear in your life? How have you worked on battling fear?  

I’m terrified something will happen to my kids. I was diagnosed with OCD about thirteen years ago, so I’m an old hand at dealing with fear/anxiety. I never knew it wasn’t normal to have a constant underlying fear that stayed with you every moment of every day.

But I never wanted my children to internalize my fear, so I’ve worked very hard to overcome this particular issue.

My biggest piece of advice for people who struggle with fear is to NEVER EVER give in to it. I’m talking about the everyday, irrational fear that keeps you from living life to its fullest.

Are you afraid to drive a car? Drive one anyway.

Afraid to let your teenager go to the movies with friends? Let her.

Afraid to go on a weekend trip by yourself? Do it anyway.

If you cave in to fear, it will only grow. It will consume every part of your life.

It’s never content to stay small, so you can’t pretend it will remain manageable. It won’t.

This is so true. Fear will fester and grow until it controls us if we don’t fight against it. Stress is a sneaky form of fear that plagues many of us. How have you learned to combat your stress?

I work out. I’ve learned that I cope with stress better when I feel physically strong and when I have the outlet of lifting weights, walking, getting my heart rate up. It’s proactive. It’s movement. It’s good for me. And it’s much more effective than binge-watching Netflix.

I also clean. This is something that drives my family crazy. But being in a cluttered, dirty, or unattractive space makes me feel my stress even stronger.

If I can control my environment, if it is soothing and neat and organized and pretty, then I can deal with the clutter in my head more effectively.

But sometimes this looks like me freaking out and throwing every toy that’s ever crossed my threshold into the middle of the room and spending three hours organizing and culling and minimizing.

It’s not always pretty, is it?

LOL! No, fighting our fears definitely isn’t pretty. But it sounds like your house must be! Can you come clean mine? 😊 More seriously, we love stories of victory over fear here. Have you successfully beat a fear in your life?

I used to be terrified of leaving my kids alone. I had this magical thinking that if I were with them, nothing bad would happen. As though simply by being in Mom’s presence, they would be safe.

I couldn’t stand my husband to take them anywhere. I couldn’t leave them even overnight without panic attacks.

And then I signed up to go to India for two weeks to do some non-profit work. I KNEW God wanted me to go. I didn’t realize it was more to help me overcome this fear than for any other reason.

The month leading up to my trip was awful. Even my husband was regretting encouraging me to go.

I had constant anxiety attacks. I couldn’t sleep or eat. I was terrified.

But I went.

And somewhere in that obedience between saying “yes” and stepping on that plane, God poured grace all over the situation.

I came home entirely comfortable leaving my kids.

What a terrific example of stepping out in faith and obedience, and the grace God gives us when we do. That’s inspiring! But I know sometimes, the stuff we fear happens. Have you had an experience like that?

My moment of greatest fear happened, of course, over one of my children. My two-year-old son had disappeared while my mother was babysitting. I was half an hour’s drive away.

No one knew where he went. And we live in a very busy neighborhood with lots of traffic, a large pool, a lake, and pockets of woods.

It was the worst half hour of my life.

And all I can say is, even though I was shaking, quite literally, with fear, I still felt God’s presence.

I don’t feel it often. My faith isn’t grounded in emotions or physical responses.

And yet, right when I needed Jesus most, He met me. When I was virtually speechless with fear and couldn’t even formulate a prayer, He interceded and whispered to my heart.

It’s the closest I’ve ever felt to my God in my life.

And I would happily go without it this side of Heaven if it meant I never again have to experience coming that close to losing one of my children.

Such a powerful story. (If reader’s want more about this true story, check out Kimberly’s post here.) I love this story because it reminds me that God is close, present, and strong when we most need Him in our hardest times. What is one method God has given you to help fight fear on a daily basis in your life?

Talking with my husband who doesn’t struggle with fear the way I do. I’m a very pragmatic person, except when it comes to my fear struggles.

I tend to catastrophize and go worst-case scenario. I have a lot of unwanted thoughts (thanks to OCD.)

My husband, though, is super chill about things, and that’s a good counterbalance for me. He very easily reminds me of actualities and helps me remember that my pessimism isn’t always an accurate reflection of reality.

That’s wonderful to have someone objective who can talk us away from our fears and bring some peace! What are your favorite Bible verses that also help you battle fear?

When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you. – Psalm 56:3

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. – John 14:27

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. – Matthew 6:34

Like I and many of us in the FW Blog community, it sounds like you have an extensive history with fear. Will you share how your battle with fear began and how you’ve learned to overcome those fears through the years?

OCD first showed itself when I was about five. I have a very vivid memory of being in bed, trying to fall asleep, and knowing—absolutely knowing deep inside—that if I didn’t pray safety over every detail of my life, something terrible would happen.

Dear Jesus—keep my mom safe, and dad safe and Josh safe and Jess safe and me safe and Nanny safe…

On and on. And then—

Don’t let there be a fire or a flood or a tornado or robbers. Don’t let me get lost or Josh lost or Jess lost. Don’t let there be a car accident.

I had to say it every night in a particular order and if I messed up, I would start back at the beginning.

It’s safe to say I had a lot of fears as a child. My biggest was fire.

During a field trip in kindergarten to the fire station, they had this kind of simulation where you had to creep on your belly through a room and go beneath a table and escape through a door and there were these red lights and smoke machines.

It was terrifying—whoever thought that was a good idea to put five-year-olds through wasn’t thinking straight—and I was crying. It was awful.

I ended up kicking the fireman in the face who was trying to push me under the table, and my teacher had to carry me to the bus so I would calm down.

I’m still afraid my house will burn down but I’m not obsessed with the idea anymore. I do sometimes consider what I would do if there was a fire at night—how I would save my kids—and we have a plan, but it’s not something that consumes my thoughts, because I’ve learned that worst case scenarios rarely play out.

I don’t want to live my life having worried endlessly about something that never happens.

It’s more likely that worry would steal more time from me than any disaster.

Such a great truth. Worry steals precious time and joy from our lives if we let our fears have control.

Thank you so much for chatting with me today and for sharing your experiences with fear and victory over it!

Readers, which part of Kimberly’s experience with fear resonated with you most? Have you felt especially close to God when you were afraid? Please share!

Photo by The Creative Exchange on Unsplash Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash. Original graphics designed by Jerusha Agen.

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Kimberly Duffy is a Long Island native currently living in Southwest Ohio.

When she’s not homeschooling her four kids, she writes historical fiction that takes her readers back in time and across oceans.

She loves trips that require a passport, recipe books, and practicing kissing scenes with her husband of twenty years. He doesn’t mind.

You can find Kimberly at www.kimberlyduffy.com and connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest.

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Kimberly is giving away a signed print copy of A Mosaic of Wings to one of you! Simply leave a comment below to enter the giveaway! (Giveaway ends July 20, 2020. Winner must have continental U. S. mailing address.)

A MOSAIC OF WINGS

It’s 1885, and all Nora Shipley wants, now that she’s graduating from Cornell University as valedictorian of the entomology program, is to follow in her late father’s footsteps by getting her master’s degree and taking over the scientific journal he started. The only way to uphold her father’s legacy is to win a scholarship, so she joins a research expedition in Kodaikanal, India, to prove herself in the field.

India isn’t what she expects, though, and neither is the rival classmate who accompanies her, Owen Epps. As her preconceptions of India–and of Owen–fall away, she finds both far more captivating than she expected. Forced by the expedition leader to stay at camp and illustrate exotic butterflies the men of the team find without her, Nora befriends Sita, a young Indian girl who has been dedicated to a goddess against her will.

In this spellbinding new land, Nora is soon faced with impossible choices–between saving Sita and saving her career, and between what she’s always thought she wanted and the man she’s come to love.