Family Feuds: Facing Family Strife without Fear

Jerusha AgenFighting Fear 41 Comments

Jerusha: I am so honored to host acclaimed Christian mystery and suspense author DiAnn Mills! DiAnn is graciously giving away a free copy of her brand new release, Fatal Strike, to one of you. Simply leave a comment below for a chance to win!

By DiAnn Mills

We’ve all been given our families as gifts, or so we’re told. But fear takes over when rejection and ridicule increase with no resolution.

We all have experienced the tension, stress, and ongoing conflict of unresolved issues. The joy disappears, and trust is buried beneath a mound of disappointment and betrayal.

We’ve often heard: if only we could choose our families like we choose our friends. Makes sense. Maybe we wouldn’t have sibling rivalry, the dominant parent, the pain of addiction, and a host of other dysfunctions that stalk many families.

Our emotions are wrapped around our actions and responses, and we hurt. Out of control emotions mean a family is no longer united. Disjointed relationships become the norm with no solution in sight. We paste a smile on our face and pretend nothing is wrong when we need help desperately.

We ask if there is hope for us and our families. Encouragement is illusive, but we crave it. Can fear of family strife ever be a positive?

Without walking through family strife, we’d never learn the meaning of love, healthy relationships, giving, sacrifice, and the art of effective communication.

How best do we manage family conflict? Ignoring it never makes the problem disappear or resolve itself.

The truth is learning to thrive in family and extended family environments makes us stronger and better people. Running from real issues and facing misunderstandings can be difficult. But we can’t survive in the real world with real problems if we can’t handle the battles on the home front.

The following are suggestions during those times when we’re afraid to speak up and freeze when hostility hovers over family relationships.

7 TIPS FOR FACING FAMILY STRIFE WITHOUT FEAR
  1. Listen before unloading. Lack of harmony in our families may come because we didn’t understand the real problem.
  2. Instead of shrinking into a hole with our hurt feelings, we can ask ourselves, “What is the real issue?”
  3. Is the conflict real, or are my fears self-imposed? If we look deep within and separate ourselves from the noise, what is really going on inside us?
  4. For those who are inflicting the damage, is it about us or their past experiences influencing their behavior? Family members who use power to have their own way may not see a need to change their behavior.
  5. Should we refuse to get involved in the mess? Walk away or take a stand? For good mental and physical health and a respectful relationship with other family members, we may want to take a little time thinking and praying through our response.
  6. Has the conflict risen to the level of seeking professional help? If mental or physical abuse has the family in fear-mode, then it’s past time to seek outside guidance.
  7. Compromise doesn’t infer a family member is weak. Quite the contrary. Arbitration allows all parties to voice their opinion and work for the good of the family. Listening to another’s point of view gives us a perspective we might not have considered.

Families shouldn’t give up on each other. Each member shares a responsibility to learn and make healthy choices. Our goal is to forgive those who have hurt us while making mental notes to look for any signs of future abuse.

Don’t let fear keep you from healing family relationships. Take steps now to be a contributing member of a loving family, and your fear will fade as you taste a peacemaker’s reward.

Do you fear family strife? How has God helped you fight that fear and face the conflict? Please share!

Photos by Kevin Delvecchio, Annie Spratt, Tyler Nix, and Aaron Burden on Unsplash. Original graphics designed by Jerusha Agen.

DiAnn Mills is a bestselling author who believes her readers should expect an adventure. She weaves memorable characters with unpredictable plots to create action-packed, suspense-filled novels. DiAnn believes every breath of life is someone’s story, so why not capture those moments and create a thrilling adventure?

Her titles have appeared on the CBA and ECPA bestseller lists; won two Christy Awards; and been finalists for the RITA, Daphne Du Maurier, Inspirational Readers’ Choice, and Carol award contests.

DiAnn is a founding board member of the American Christian Fiction Writers, a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Mystery Writers of America, Sisters in Crime, and International Thriller Writers. She is the director of the Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference, Mountainside Marketing Retreat, and the Mountainside Novelist Retreat with social media specialist Edie Melson where she continues her passion of helping other writers be successful. She speaks to various groups and teaches writing workshops around the country.

DiAnn has been termed a coffee snob and roasts her own coffee beans. She’s an avid reader, loves to cook, and believes her grandchildren are the smartest kids in the universe. She and her husband live in sunny Houston, Texas.

DiAnn is very active online and would love to connect with readers on Facebook, Twitter, or any of the social media platforms listed at diannmills.com


DiAnn is giving away one free copy (winner’s choice of print or digital) of her brand new release, Fatal Strike! Leave a comment below to enter the giveaway! (Giveaway ends September 16, 2019; winner must have continental U. S. mailing address.)

FATAL STRIKE

There’s a killer on the loose in Galveston, targeting law enforcement officials and using a fatal injection of snake venom to take them down.

Authorities have reasons to believe the Veneno gang is behind the hits, and FBI Agents Leah Riesel and Jon Colbert team up to track down those responsible. Their best lead is an eyewitness who identifies a young man dumping the third body on a church doorstep. But their suspect has gone into hiding, and those closest to him are reluctant to reveal anything that might help investigators find him.

As Leah and Jon check connections among the victims and dig deeper into motives, they discover appearances may be deceiving. Someone is desperate to keep their secrets hidden, and Leah and Jon must face their greatest fears in order to stop the next fatal strike.

Comments 41

  1. Wonderful post with such helpful suggestions for working through the family issues. Reconciliation is such a blessing. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Great post, DiAnn! Particularly resonant for me is the advice to look for the deeper issue. I’ve found in any conflict, family or otherwise, that whatever the argument or disagreement is about on the surface, that’s almost never the core reason. Looking deeper has helped me switch my goal from “winning” the argument to healing the deeper issue. Thanks for being here!

  3. Thank you, DiAnn, for the great advice. Family is one of our greatest blessings, but the intricacies of multiple and interconnecting relationships can cause stress and heartache. The book sounds awesome, by the way.

  4. Thanks so much for sharing from your heart. Family relationships are so easily strained and it can be so very difficult to get close again. I will remember the suggestions you have made for the next family get-together. Thanks for the chance to win a copy of your book as well.

  5. When creating a dark moment story for my characters – from which their wound, fear and lie is born – I typically always go for the family of origin as the place where they were shaped into the person you first meet in the story. While there are endless possibilities of what could have gone wrong during their childhood, family dysfunction is ripe with ideas. Great wisdom here, DiAnn! We have to exercise forgiveness and love while also establishing healthy boundaries for ourselves.

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  6. Those are some powerful suggestions for facing family conflict, I will definitely take those suggestions and share them. They will be great tools in my family and in everyday life thank you

  7. Thanks for offering the giveaway, I’m interested to read this book, adding it to my goodreads list!

    Good info on family fueds, I added it to my pinterest board for future reference.

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