Jerusha: I’m delighted to introduce you to Karen Holmes today! I encountered Karen’s blog recently and found she’s a fellow warrior in the battle against fear. Karen was kind enough to let me share one of her honest, encouraging posts on the FW Blog today. Please join me in giving her a big FW community welcome!
By Karen Holmes
I am afraid of the dark.
I am afraid of a lot of things, but fear of the dark—and, particularly, being alone in the dark—is one of my more paralyzing fears.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been convinced that someone is out to get me – not just steal my stuff, but stalking me with the intent of raping, murdering, torturing me and/or the ones I love. I realize that these irrational thoughts are fueled by my anxiety, an over-active imagination, and my upbringing as a sheriff officer’s daughter. Whatever the cause, those YA novels and scary movies of my youth are played out in my mind the minute the sun goes down.
When I am home alone, of course, the fear intensifies. There is a now-funny story about my husband once coming home early from a trip only to find metal spoons and jingle bells tied haphazardly onto a string that ran from the doorknob of our patio door to the leg of our kitchen table.
Prior to his arrival, I’d felt quite proud and secure with my makeshift intruder alarm. Through his eyes, though, I saw it for the exaggerated, irrational fear it represented…. especially since we lived in a third floor apartment.
I have yet to find a way to overcome the panic that stirs inside after 10:00 p.m. My feelings of helplessness and powerlessness increase tenfold once the lights go out. Multiple people have suggested I take self-defense classes, or learn to handle a gun, or get a dog, or sleep with a knife under my pillow… and, yes, doing some combination of those things might make me feel better, but I know what the real problem is:
I don’t fully trust God.
I say that I believe my days are numbered.
I say that I believe God is real.
I say that I believe God is in control.
I say that I believe God loves me.
I say that I believe God is good.
I say that I believe God’s presence is enough.
But, in the black of night, I question the goodness of a God who doesn’t promise to protect His people from suffering and pain.
Yes, God promises to protect our soul and eternal salvation, but there is no guarantee of physical protection. In fact, Jesus guarantees us the opposite.
My dad was a sheriff’s officer. Without doubt, he would have given his life for me if necessary, and, every day, he willingly put his life on the line for others. Keeping me physically safe was one way he showed his love. As a parent myself, my first instinct, perhaps the purest one, is to guard my children, and keep them from harm. Love without safety confuses me.
But in this confusion and on-going struggle for peace when I’m at my most vulnerable, I am pressing forward to faith—searching scriptures for those that speak to my soul, to the heart of the matter. I must cling to these principles:
1. Nothing else is secure.
Some trust in chariots, some trust in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord. – Psalm 20:7
We can put our faith in guns, dogs, alarms, baseball bats, locks on doors…but, ultimately, we need to put our faith in God. We need to be confident in His plan for our life, that no matter what happens, His hand is over it all.
2. God’s presence brings peace.
Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous hand. – Isaiah 41:10.
I’ll admit I sometimes find this concept hard to understand. But the other night, God offered me a glimpse into its truth.
My little one, only three, has been sleeping on the floor next to our bed for months now. Even though I am less than two feet away from him, he will sometimes call out, “Mama? I’m scared!” and my default answer is always, “It’s okay. Mama’s right here.”
My expectation, my offer, is that my presence is sufficient. Just like what God promises to us. I think about all the times when my kids have received shots, or have been hurt on the playground, or are having a nightmare. I reassure them of my presence and it brings them peace. It doesn’t take away their pain or even prevent it, but just knowing I am there gives them comfort.
God’s ultimate promise to us is that He will never leave us or forsake us. His presence is our peace.
3. No matter the circumstances, there is always grace.
I love hearing about how God redeems trials and pain. Stories of those who have endured horrific events and yet come out praising God on the other side. It doesn’t always happen, though. When I am feeling scared, I try to remember that God can—and will!—work all things together for good for those who love Him. He can use anything and everything, even painful moments, to draw us closer to Him.
One of my favorite quotes is, “There is no grace for your imagination.” It was spoken by a faithful eighty-year-old woman on the God-Centered Mom podcast (now “Don’t Mom Alone”).
Her point was that all of those scary scenarios we concoct in our imaginations cannot possibly account for the grace that God promises us should any of those scenarios actually come about. Because God’s ways are higher than ours, we cannot conceive of the beauty or grace or mercy He will offer us in the darkest days of our lives.
I cling to these truths and am trying to choose Courage over fear, Christ over control.
Do you struggle with trusting God? What truths help you to trust Him more? Please share!
Photos by Lane Jackman, Darkness, and Szabo Viktor on Unsplash. The text of this post first appeared on www.inspiredtofaith.com.
Karen Holmes lives in northern New Mexico with her husband and their three wild boys. From sailing across the Pacific to camping in the woods, she loves a good adventure. She also loves encouraging and inspiring others to pursue a life of faith, despite the doubts, discouragement, fear, and questions one might have.
At www.inspiredtofaith.com, she writes about vulnerability, overcoming shame, spiritual struggles, and the need to constantly keep your eyes on Jesus. She’s a huge fan of self-knowledge, too, and offers occasional practical insights on understanding more about who God designed us to be.
She is a lawyering, homeschooling, writing mama, so paper, kids, and books are her life! Connect with Karen at her website and on Facebook.
Comments 12
What an encouraging post! Thanks for your honesty and sharing with us both your personal struggles with fear and what God has taught you about trusting Him.
Hi MJ! Thanks for reading! I hope you were encouraged.
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Thanks for being my guest today, Karen, and sharing this wonderful post with us! This one really resonated with me and gave me helpful points to hang on to and apply to my own battle against fear. My mom has told me the essence of your third point, as a great reminder that I need not be terrified of the worst my imagination conjures, because my imagination leaves out the grace God would give me if He ever called me to face such a thing.
Your second truth/principle struck me the most. I, too, struggle with not fearing when I know God lets bad things happen, but your analogy of the comfort of a mom’s presence with her child is so beautiful and helps me make more sense out of the comfort God’s presence can be in times of trouble. Thanks for giving me more weapons to wield against fear!
Great post, Karen! As you wrote, I think love without safety is really a struggle for us to understand, but you make excellent points to battle the fears that come with that confusion.
Hi Emily (I love that name!) – Thanks for reading. Love without safety is a really hard one for me. It also took me a really long time to figure out that it was something I really struggled with. I had a hard time defining and understanding the fear that plagued me. I still have my moments, to be sure, but I’m learning to find that peace where I am trusting in Him.
Terrific post. Thanks for being so transparent in the fight against our fears. The Isaiah verse is such a profound reminder of what God does for us.
Hi Anne ~ Thanks for reading! I love Isaiah’s writings. Some of the most beautiful language in there… And as I read your comment again, I’m remembering that he was writing during a very scary time – the exile of the Jews – and trying to encourage and speak to a divided, frightened, confused nation. God did not abandon them and He will not abandon us. Thanks for your comment and giving me another insight into this verse!
Jerusha – Thanks so much for letting me share your space in this online world ❤️
Thank you for being brave in your honesty, and helping others with the same struggles.
Hi Rebekah ~ Thanks so much for reading! What areas of fear do you struggle with most? Fear plagues me and I hate it. Writing about it helps me get my mind in the right place – focused on who God is and HIS control of my life. Hard to always keep that in perspective but it’s the only answer 🙂
Karen, such a transparent and encouraging post. I especially love the part about choosing courage over fear. Well said.
Hi Andrea ~ Thanks for your comment. This year I am trying really hard to choose courage in every area of my life. Do you choose a word/mantra/phrase/verse for the year? I always love to hear what others are focusing on!