The Whole Truth: Beating Fear of Your Brokenness

Jerusha: I’m delighted to welcome my friend Susan Landry back to the FW Blog! Susan was a guest here back when the FW Blog first got started. To celebrate her return, I’m giving away a print copy of Pursued by Lisa Harris to one of you. So read on, and enter the giveaway following the post!

By Susan Landry

Are you afraid you’re too broken for God’s promises to apply to you?

Separation from God is a given when you are doing what you ought not be doing.

You can’t look at Him because doing that only reminds you to stop what you don’t want to stop or do what you don’t want to do.

Looking towards the Holy One shines a spotlight on your shame, and it can be unbearable.

But there are moments. Moments in the darkness when what you know to be true longs to cry out to the only One you know can help.

And so you lift your head.

That is where I was when my eyes found Psalm 18 one night. I began reading, and the tears began falling as hope trickled into my heart.

I love you, LORD, my strength.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Yes, I thought—strength. I need God’s strength. I need Him to be my rock, my shield.
Oh God, can I please take refuge in You?

I called to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
and I have been saved from my enemies.
The cords of death entangled me;
the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me.
The cords of the grave coiled around me;
the snares of death confronted me.

This is what it felt like! It felt like my sin was tangled around me, pulling me down.

I was overwhelmed and helpless.

The next part floored me. It was a detailed description of God’s response to the plea. It shows Him hearing the cry for help, becoming so angry on behalf of His beloved that he rises from His throne and goes to battle on his behalf.

In my distress I called to the LORD;
I cried to my God for help.
From his temple he heard my voice;
my cry came before him, into his ears.
The earth trembled and quaked,
and the foundations of the mountains shook;
they trembled because he was angry.
Smoke rose from his nostrils;
consuming fire came from his mouth,
burning coals blazed out of it.
He parted the heavens and came down;
dark clouds were under his feet.
He mounted the cherubim and flew;
he soared on the wings of the wind.
He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him—
the dark rain clouds of the sky.
Out of the brightness of his presence clouds advanced,
with hailstones and bolts of lightning.
The LORD thundered from heaven;
the voice of the Most High resounded.
He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy,
with great bolts of lightning he routed them.
The valleys of the sea were exposed
and the foundations of the earth laid bare
at your rebuke, LORD,
at the blast of breath from your nostrils.
He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
he drew me out of deep waters.
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.

The idea that God himself would come to fight for me, and beyond that would then gently reach to where I am and rescue me, lifting me out of this pit I was in…the ultimate hero.

Hot tears streamed down my face without pause.

Hope. There was hope.

And then I read the next part of the Psalm and my heart sank.

He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.
The LORD has dealt with me according to my righteousness;
according to the cleanness of my hands he has rewarded me.

Well, never mind. That excludes me.

For I have kept the ways of the LORD;
I am not guilty of turning from my God.

That’s not me.

All his laws are before me;
I have not turned away from his decrees.

Not me.

I have been blameless before him
and have kept myself from sin.
The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.

That’s not me. That’s not me.

This is not for me.

The fear that the promises of God’s protection, His rescue, were not for me was overwhelming.

It was as if I were being dropped back into the miry pit I had just been plucked from. This despair was perhaps worse than the weight of my sin itself.

In that moment, I was crushed. I knew God was good, but I felt so far from Him, and the despair clung to me.

I’m a firm believer in speaking the truth to ourselves, even when it doesn’t feel true.

Speaking the truth doesn’t change our feelings immediately, but it can help us to re-focus and find clarity. So my instinct was to begin to look for the truth.

Satan is the father of lies, I knew. But I also knew that it was true I was not living righteously, and I did not have clean hands as the psalmist described.

But was that the whole truth?

David wrote this Psalm before his sin of adultery with Bathsheba. But I wondered if he had used any similar language after that sin.

My question was, would a “big” sin disqualify him from calling himself righteous or blameless before God?

So I did a little research. (Pro tip: digging into Scripture, in general, is never a bad idea when trying to break bonds of sin.)

David famously wrote Psalm 51 after his sin with Bathsheba. That was in the year 991 B.C. (see 2 Samuel 12).

Among many others, he wrote these psalms after that: Psalm 41 and 55 (in 972 B.C.) and Psalm 37 (970 B.C.).

Here are some phrases he uses in those:

I know that you are pleased with me

Because of my integrity you uphold me

he will never let the righteous be shaken.

The blameless spend their days under the LORD’s care

The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble

David didn’t rule himself out of God’s blessings because of sin, even big sin. I think the key is found in that famously penned psalm of David’s in which he bares his heart in repentance before God.

A repentant heart is a cleansed heart.

Further down in Psalm 18 as I was reading that night, the psalm that lifted my hope so high and then shattered it, David reminds us of God’s character when he says:

You save the humble
but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.

In fact, a little more digging confirmed to me that David reminded us again and again that God’s heart is inclined to hear the lowly, the bowed head, the broken.

O LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will strengthen their heart, You will incline Your ear – Psalm 10:17

He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea. – Psalm 102:17

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. – Psalm 51:17

If you are fearful today that God does not hear you or that you are not eligible for His promises, please feel my hands firmly grasp your shoulders and see me look you in the eyes as I tell you that that is a lie.

It is not the whole truth, friend.

The whole truth is that if you are broken enough to be looking for God’s forgiveness, He is already there.

If you are humbling yourself to repent and ask for His help, He will fight for you.

Ask Him.

He will be your strength, your rock, your shield, and your refuge.

Do you ever fear God’s promises aren’t for you? Do you worry you’ll mess up so much, God won’t forgive you? Please share!

Photos by Toa Heftiba, Patrick Schneider, Jordan Steranka, and Canva. Original graphics designed by Jerusha Agen.

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Susan Landry is a former teacher turned homeschooler, married to her favorite person, and follower of Jesus.

She currently writes at The Sparrow’s Home about all things home…covering topics like recipes, parenting, marriage, faith, and homeschooling.

Women today often feel isolated, that they have to figure it all out on their own. The truth is that life is hard, God is good, and we need each other.

Connect with Susan on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.

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Pursued

Nikki Boyd’s flight into Nashville was routine–up until the crash landing at the airport. When the dust settles, Nikki discovers that the woman who had been seated next to her on the plane is missing–and no one will admit she was ever there.

Erika Hamilton had been flying to Nashville with an air marshal as a key witness in an upcoming grand jury trial. When she flees from the crash, is she running from trouble or straight into it?

Before Nikki can even see her family, she and her team are pulled into a missing persons case where the motives are as unclear as the suspects.

Bestselling and award-winning author Lisa Harris has planted danger around every turn in this can’t-put-it-down thrill ride that will leave readers stunned.