The scene is a familiar one, whether you were the child or the parent. A kid disappears, the parent becomes frantic, and, when the child is found at last, the parent reacts something like this:
“I’ve told you a thousand times not to (insert causal behavior here). You scared me to death!”
That response, of course, is delivered in a loud or intense tone. Yep, the parent is angry.
Notice the progression, or rather digression, of emotion here?
Parent gets scared, and then gets angry.
We’ve talked a lot about how much fear can control our lives. And, like any uncombatted sin, fear easily seeds and sprouts more sins in our hearts. Though not often recognized as such, anger is one of these offspring of fear.
This isn’t to say, of course, that all anger stems from fear or that all of us who fear will inevitably become angry.
But, there frequently can be a correlation, and the results can be damaging. When fear begets anger, fear becomes a weapon that, whether we mean to wield it or not, can hurt others. Our fear then grows into something that negatively impacts and even controls others, as well as ourselves.
To make sure we aren’t unintentionally wielding this weapon of fear-caused anger, we need to do something when we find ourselves getting angry. We need to stop and ask ourselves this question: Why am I angry?
Answer with brutal honesty. If the answer is that you don’t know why, the source could be fear (most of us are quite slow to recognize or admit fear in ourselves).
Here are a few signs your anger might be caused by fear:
- Your anger is way out of proportion to the “offense”
- The target of your anger is genuinely alarmed, shocked, or hurt by your anger
- You felt fear before you switched to anger
- You are trembling or experiencing other symptoms of fear while you’re angry
If the answer to the “Why am I angry?” question is fear, then you need to lay down that weapon and make amends as soon as possible.
Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!
Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.
– Psalm 37:8
Laying down the anger is often easier said than done, but here are three steps that can help:
1. Admit and ID the Source
Often, we feel justified in our anger, but to avoid hurting others, you need to identify that you’re angry because you’re afraid of something.
Dig deep to pinpoint what you’re afraid of. Name it, and then admit that fear is indeed the cause of the anger.
2. Attack the Fear
You know how I mentioned fear becomes a weapon to hurt others when it spawns anger? Well, we have weapons to parry and repel that anger and fear, too.
Read Ephesians 6:10-18 to be reminded of the spiritual weapons we can use to defeat the attacks of Satan (including his attack of fear). Then start wielding those instead of fear and anger.
When you experience anger and ID it as fear, lay down your weapon of destruction by instead taking up the weapons of truth, Scripture, confidence in our salvation, and prayer.
3. Have Faith
I didn’t mention above my favorite and perhaps most powerful weapon we have to defeat fear, because it deserves its own point. That weapon is Faith.
We know that at the root of our anger is sometimes fear. At the root of that fear is always, ultimately, if we look deeply enough, unbelief in God’s Word.
That unbelief was at the root of the very first sin, when Adam and Eve fell in the Garden of Eden at the beginning of time. So, it’s not too surprising to realize fear has the same root, too.
Now, I know it’s very easy to say, “Have faith,” and very hard to actually have the kind of faith that doesn’t flounder in times of trouble. But that is the kind of faith we Fear Warriors need to strive for every day.
Because it is that kind of faith—that unshakable, complete trust in God and His Word—that will set us free from fear.
So when you identify that your anger is coming from fear and you launch your attack through prayer, Scripture, etc., focus those efforts on building your faith in God.
Pray for God to increase your faith (because it’s not something we can do on our own). Read and meditate on verses upon verses about God, Who He is, His promises to us, His faithfulness to keep those promises, His goodness, wisdom, and sovereignty.
The more truth you know about God, the more faith you will have.
The more faith you have, the less fear you will have, as fear—and the anger it can cause—lose their grip on you.
Have you ever become angry because you were afraid? How do you battle the fears that cause you to get angry? Please share!