Jerusha: I’m so happy to introduce you to my friend and fellow writer, Kerry Johnson! Kerry is offering one free print copy of her devotional, Grace for the Gaps, to one of you. Leave a comment below to enter the giveaway!
By Kerry Johnson
“This is too much, Lord. I’m scared. How can I do this?”
Fourteen years ago, wave after wave of worry battered my mind as our swaddled, firstborn baby boy was settled into my arms. Bright, alert eyes stared out from a round face, and love bloomed so strong for him it overwhelmed.
He’d arrived the day before his due date, nine pounds, eight ounces and twenty-two inches long, his entrance into the world by cesarean because his head was nestled near my heart during the last months of my pregnancy.
Nothing alters a person’s life like a squalling, helpless little one to raise, guide, mold and most of all, love. But that overflowing love also generates a mini-van-full of worry and fear for the precious bundle. During my first Christmas season as a parent, the lyrics to the song, “Mary Did You Know,” took on a whole new meaning.
Mary did you know that your baby boy would one day rule the nations?
Did you know that your baby boy is heaven’s perfect Lamb?
This sleeping child you’re holding is the great I Am.
Luke 1 and 2 detail the humble beginnings of Jesus’s life:
Now when they [shepherds] had seen Him, they made widely known the saying which was told them concerning this Child. And all those who heard it marveled at those things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart. – Luke 2:17-19, emphasis mine
Barnes Commentary notes that, “a mother forgets none of those things which occur respecting her children. Everything they do or suffer—everything that is said of them, is treasured up in her mind; and often she thinks of those things, and anxiously seeks what they may indicate respecting the future character and welfare of her child.”
When I heard that song as a new mom, I wondered…did Mary hold Jesus closer? After all, He was the One the angels heralded in the heavens, the prophesied Messiah shepherds and wise men traveled great distance to worship and welcome with gifts and adoration. Did she understand the agony He’d eventually face on her—on all of our—behalf?
God’s grand plan for mankind is relationship—with Him, and with others. Within the family, whether its children, siblings, parents or grandparents, that powerful bond of affection is often overshadowed by fear and worry because of how deeply we desire loved ones to remain safe and secure—wrapped in a bubble of protection. But we can’t contain children or loved ones in bubble wrap, safely tucked away from life’s occasional hurts.
“This is too much Lord. I’m scared. How can I do this?”
Fourteen years later, I trembled beside my husband, tears streaming down my face as we opened our clenched grasps to hand our precious son off to God in a specific, heart-wrenching way neither of us could have imagined. We now faced the most difficult decision of our parental life—and marriage—and stood by God’s grace and the prayers of family and friends.
I can’t share the particulars of what happened because I want to respect our son’s privacy. But I can share this: God hears our prayer amidst the groaning and remembers how many tears we shed. I believed this; now I know it. Most importantly, He loves our son more than we do. If we believe God fashioned our children individually and perfectly as Psalm 139 tells us, then we’re called to know that they belong to Him. His love for them surpasses even ours.
As the Christmas season approaches, scripture’s recounting of Christ’s birth in Luke 2 grabs my attention like a clanging bell. Amidst the resounding praise that the long-awaited Savior arrived, Mary pondered all that she heard and learned about Jesus, her sweet baby boy. She considered His deity as well as His humanity.
I have to imagine she wondered what He would encounter in His life, and she experienced both highs and lows of fear and love too. Did she also consider how very much God loved Him? I believe she did. While I’ve read these verses before, I’d never experienced them so heart-deep as this year, when our older son came through that storm stronger but battered by life.
For those experiencing a turbulent trial with children or other loved ones during the Christmas season, please know that God is aware.
Know, too, that He loves them more than you do, and when you’re compelled by life or heartbreaking circumstances to let them go, be assured He holds them in His hands.
For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. – Luke 2:11
Are you worried about a loved one this Christmas? How have you learned to combat your fears in relationships? Please share!
Photos by rawpixel, guille pozzi, and Shelby Miller on Unsplash
Kerry Johnson has had a love affair with stories since she was a little girl riding rock horses and talking to trees in Connecticut. She worked in Public Broadcasting while earning her B.S. in English Education from the University of South Florida, then taught middle school remedial reading and Drama before spending eight years as a stay-at-home mom and wife. She has been published in Creation Illustrated, Granola Bar Devotionals, and was a regular contributor to Tampa Bay’s Overflow Magazine from 2011-2013.
Kerry has been a member of ACFW (American Christian Fiction Writers) since 2011. Her contemporary romance, The Name Game, was a three-time finalist in ACFW’s Genesis Contest (2016, 2017, and 2018), and her middle grade manuscript finaled in 2015 then won the Genesis Award in 2017. In 2016 and 2018, two of Kerry’s manuscripts won their categories at the Florida Christian Writers Conference (Middle Grade and Romance).
Kerry lives in sunny, stormy Tampa Bay with her patient engineer husband, two active boys, and way too many books. Ali Herring at Spencerhill Associates is her literary agent. She’s active online at her website and on Facebook and Twitter, where she shares an overabundance of pictures of her feathered toddler (sun conure) Mango, and lazy boxer, Boomer.
Kerry will generously give away one print copy of her devotional, Grace for the Gaps, to one of you! Simply leave a comment below to enter the giveaway! (Winner to be randomly selected the week of Dec. 24, 2018; winner must have continental U. S. mailing address.)
Join Christ-follower, wife, mom, and writer Kerry as she journeys life’s gap-filled road toward her Savior. She has a childhood-born, adult-tested faith in God’s most precious gift to us, Jesus, and her heart’s desire is her simple words direct others to His glory.
Grace for the Gaps is filled with humorous and poignant true stories inspired by Kerry’s experiences as a wife and mom of two rambunctious, lizard-loving boys. Whether it’s the hectic, humorous moments of parenting, maneuvering the beautiful covenant relationship of marriage, or the day-to-day struggles to hide God’s word in our hearts, Kerry shares how God’s grace covers our failings and His word is truly a lamp to our feet and a light to our path.
Kerry’s prayer is that Grace for the Gaps reminds readers that Jesus’ love never changes and His abundant grace fills every gap on life’s bumpy road.
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Beautiful post, Kerry. It’s so hard to surrender in this way but so encouraging to be reminded of God’s perfect love.
Thank you for stopping by and commenting, Robyn. It is definitely one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced in my life, but it’s so reassuring to know, really know, God is with us and loves our children more than we do. What a reassurance. Hugs & Merry Christmas! <3
Dear Kerry,
I, too, have had to unclench my hands from around my first-born and put him in God’s hands. When God first told me to let go, I told him I couldn’t just set him down in the middle of the road and go on–I’m a mother. But, oh, this son was so heavy! Trying to carry him was becoming more than even a mother could do.. God told me to let my son fall into His arms and then we would walk along together. God’s love, greater and more compassionate than mine, sent my son to prison, not once, but three times, until he finally gave over. This summer he was allowed to parole to the state where my husband’s very supportive family lives and I dare to hope that he has turned the corner.
Prayers for you and yours.
Oh Sharon, what a testimony. What a heart wrenching experience. I’ll pray for your son. Thank you for sharing your experience and how God has walked with you each step. <3 Merry Christmas to you and yours!
Thank you, Kerry! Nothing can strike fear in the heart of a mother like their child, but God is bigger than it all!
Amen, He is. So thankful for that truth. Merry Christmas friend! (Your package is loaded on the sleigh and on its way. 😉 )
So is yours!! 😜
Oh Kerry, I didn’t realize your family was going through such a difficult time. I hope all is well now. Please know I’m always available to pray for you anytime you need it. I so understand the struggle of leaving your kiddos in God’s hands. It’s easy as long as we get to call the shots. He continually asks me to trust Him with my grands. There comes a point where He no longer allows us to interfere, but to know that He is capable. ❤ Love you my friend.
Love you too friend! I’ll message you soon. Praise God he’s doing better. Hugs & Merry Christmas. <3
Beautifully said. I’m in tears. Thanks for the reminder that God loves them more than we do, and we must let them go. I don’t understand how they can be raised to do the right thing, then totally turn away from all they’ve been taught. And now there’s a sweet grandson in the mix. Oh my heart! But I continue to lift them up in prayer and believe–no, know–that God has a plan and I must continue to trust Him with not only my children, but also my grandson.
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your heart, Jeanna. I understand and feel this agony now. I’m sorry for your trials and will join you in praying for God’s protection for your child and grandchild. My daily prayer is that my boys draw closer to Jesus and walk with Him every day of their lives, and I’ll pray the same for your child and grandchild. Hugs & Merry Christmas. <3
Thank you Kerry, for sharing this bittersweet story with us, it really inspired me. I don’t have children so I can only just imagine your grief as you handed your eldest back to God. I do have four siblings, and I do worry a lot for them. I’m the eldest and I constantly worry about two of my brothers, because they have strayed a bit from the right path and from our faith. The one that worries me the most is the second eldest, he has been for many years now struggling with drug addiction and he recently divorced. He has no money, no job, and is in a deep depression. I constantly worry about him because I’m frequently in contact with him. I try to listen to him, give him advice, and make him feel loved and cherished, but I know that I canb’t change things for him, and he has to bear the consequences of his choices and fight to right again his life. But I, as you, have discovered that God loves my brother more than I -or my parents for that instance- and He not only wants what is best for him, but He knows what IS REALLY the best for him. And sometimes what we wish for others is not really what they need to grow into better persons. It’s not easy to trust God, but I’ve discovered that He’s the only one who can truly give us peace of mind and heart. He’s the only one in control, and we have to learn to trust him with the control of ours and other’s lives. He loves us so much he will not allow a storm to sweep us away, He will always grant us the strength and grace we need to overcome any trial that comes our way. And He will never leave our side -even if we do- and that is the biggest and deeper comfort of all. Thanks for sharing your experience and thoughts with us. Prayers for you and your family, may you all have a blessed Christmas!
Paty, your words and message are so powerful. They blessed me today. Amen, to all that you said. Thank you for stopping by and commenting! I have to speak my trust of God out loud (I pray Prov. 3:5 & 6 daily) when I just can’t handle it or feel flattened by life and that ache for my loved one to see himself the way the Lord does. I’m sorry for the pain your brother is experiencing, and I pray for his eyes and heart to be soft and opened to the Lord and for him to follow the Lord’s path, not his own. Hugs & Merry Christmas. <3
Thank you so much Kerry for responding my comment! Yes, I think we all struggle at times to see ourselves as the Lord sees us. Thanks for praying for my brother! I’m praying too for his eyes and heart to be opened to the Lord and His Will. I’ll be praying for you and your family as well! Have a Blessed and Merry Christmas and hugs to you too! <3
Thank you Paty! <3
Very lovely. 🙂 He does love them more. #thankful
Thanks friend! And I’m #thankful for you. Wishing you and your family a peaceful Christmas! <3
Author
Congratulations, Megan! You’re the randomly selected winner of Kerry Johnson’s Grace for the Gaps! I’ll contact you via email with more details.
Thank you for sharing this, Kerry. It’s amazing how much our views on things change once we have a child. And the fears that are added. Thank goodness our God is there every step of the way.
They sure do. It’s truly like having your heart walk around on your sleeve. Wishing you and your family a wonderful Christmas, Rebekah! <3