Now I See: Beating the Fear that Blinds

Jerusha Agen Fighting Fear 12 Comments

hislovewontletmedrownmeme-1024x820It’s happening again. Life isn’t going the way I planned, and I feel stuck—partially from my circumstances and partly of my own making—in a vacuum of time. It’s as if the days are rushing by too quickly for me to grasp and hold onto while I accomplish nothing of what I feel I should and slip further and further away from where I had expected to be at this point.

My writing, my career, the opportunities I thought God gave me to make those possible seem to be slipping away. Or perhaps they’re simply lying dormant while time marches on.

Either way, life is not going as I had planned. Not as, dare I say it, I had hoped. I sometimes blame myself for that. And I sometimes blame the circumstances. Both are factors.

The end result is fear. I fear that I’m making mistakes that are costing me my dreams. I fear that I will never attain those goals. Worse, I fear the consequences, some of them quite dire, if I have to change paths or if I never achieve what I had planned.

On a good day, I remember that God is the One in control of everything. He’s not surprised by the way my life is turning out. He planned it this way.

But sometimes I think that truth becomes a way for me to pass blame to someone else. Gives me Someone to accuse.

Well, I guess this is how God wants it, I can sulkily think to myself as I continue to tread water in a sea of lost hopes, wondering when my legs will give out and the worst will happen.

Maybe too much of that murky sea water has clouded my vision, because I’m not seeing the whole picture. Or rather, I’m staring at the island mirage on the horizon rather than the lifeboat beside me.

My rescue is this: God loves me.

“For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness” (Psalm 26:3). God isn’t an unfeeling dictator who’s controlling my fate to veer in disappointing and depressing directions. He loves me. He loves you.

He is steadfast to always, always love His chosen children. His faithfulness never ends even when we are faithless. I don’t have to tread water and fear I’m going to drown. I can walk on solid land. I can walk in God’s faithfulness.

your-steadfast-love-is-before-my-eyes-memeAll I have to do is open my eyes and look around. Evidence of His love for me is everywhere in my life, even in the unexpected directions my life is taking. When I look hard with my vision restored, I can see how He’s loving me, holding me, directing me. How He’s blessing me in a thousand ways I take for granted or choose to ignore.

When I can’t see His love, it’s still there. I don’t see His love in those times because I’m blinded by so many other things I’m giving priority. I instead focus on my plans slipping away, goals lost, expectations failed, and fears of a future I don’t think was meant to be.

But His love was and is meant to be. His love in and through my life. His faithfulness to me to guide me exactly where I’m supposed to be, precisely when I’m supposed to get there.

He won’t let me drown.

He won’t let me miss opportunities He wants me to have, fail where He wants me to succeed, or face a grim future He won’t enable me to endure.

Is your life not going the way you planned? Do you feel that things are crumbling around you? Are you worried about what the future might hold?

Cling to this verse, this promise. Keep it always before your eyes. Keep your gaze locked on His love and walk in His faithfulness. When you feel fear and worry taking hold, look for the evidences of His love in your life. They’re there aplenty, even in the worst of circumstances.

His steadfast love and unending faithfulness will banish your fear as He plucks you from that sea of lost hopes and sets you on the solid rock of a far greater hope that is and will always be yours—His love.

Can you see evidence of God’s love in your life? Has seeing His love calmed your fears during a difficult time? Please share!

Comments 12

  1. Emily Conrad

    Psalm 103 has been very special to me lately. It’s a reminder that we serve a God “who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good.” Praying that you continue to see this redeeming, good God at work in your life.

    1. Post
      Jerusha Agen

      What a special verse, Emily. Thank you for sharing that. It’s such a beautiful reminder that we are the beneficiaries of God’s love, mercy, and GOOD! And the good is satisfying. I need to work on that part. 🙂 God has certainly given me so much good that I should be very satisfied. Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Emily!

  2. Katie Sanders

    Thank you, Jerusha, for your willingness to share your struggles! Sometimes, I too fear that I may never fulfill my dreams for my life: but, if God’s calling for both of us is writing for a living, then nothing can block God, right? 🙂 I’m praying daily for God’s peace and grace in your life during this challenging time. Hang in there!

    1. Post
      Jerusha Agen

      Thank you so much, Katie! You’re exactly right about God’s calling and that He’ll bring it about. Thank you for that reminder and your encouragement. And I can’t thank you enough for your prayers. Praying for you, too! 🙂

      1. Katie Sanders

        Thank you so much for your prayers, Jerusha! They mean a lot to me. 🙂 You’re doing a great job with your blog: I’m going to stop by more often.

        1. Post
  3. Patricia Bradley

    I love your blog!
    A couple of my favorite Scripture verses come from Psalm 37. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. ” It was many years later before I honed in on verse 7: “Wait patiently for the Lord to act.”

    1. Post
      Jerusha Agen

      Thanks so much, Patricia! I’m so glad you like the blog. Thank you for sharing the verses that have helped you. I love your point about the verse, “Wait patiently for the Lord to act.” Since reading your comment, I’ve been repeating that verse to myself when I get frustrated with my work not coming like I want it to. What a great encouragement in that promise–the Lord WILL act; we just need to patiently wait for it! I’m working on the patient part. 🙂 Thanks for subscribing and joining the conversation!

    1. Post
  4. Anne Hockenberry

    I’ve come to realize that we never really arrive at the places we think we should be in life and most of the time that’s God’s way of teaching us to depend on Him and trust in His promises for hope instead of our own plans. But it can be so hard sometimes, can’t it? This post struck a chord with me and I understand the struggle. Keep trusting God’s love for you!

    1. Post
      Jerusha Agen

      I’m glad the post resonated with you, Anne. Yes, that trusting can be very hard, even though I know His plans are better than mine! I’m so thankful that He remains faithful, even when I’m faithless. Thanks for reading and joining the conversation!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *